Healthy Baby Development Milestones for the First 3 Months

Baby development teaches new parents to spot the behaviors that indicate that their baby is on track in terms of meeting specific milestones for growth, bonding and development. If after reading this article, you become worried that your baby is not meeting certain milestones, take action and make an appointment with your pediatrician. Before we talk about the various stages of physical growth and development, let me make an essential point. Beyond satisfying your child's physical needs, such as feeding, changing diapers and providing a quiet environment for restful sleep, what your baby needs most from you is your undivided love and attention. Since a baby's cries and coos are his or her only means of communication, respond to them with tenderness. Don't buy into the old (and neglectful) idea that too much love will spoil a baby. An infant needs and deserves all the love and time you have to give. In fact, this is necessary for healthy development. (If you are responding to your child's physical and emotional needs and your child is not meeting developmental milestones, there may be something else wrong.)


Keep in mind that the follow milestones are guidelines. Each baby develops in his or her own way. Don't panic if you're baby isn't doing everything on the list specified for each month. The key is to look for progressive movements and engagement with the people and world around him.
Baby Development: 1st Month
• Lift his head and start to turn it to the side
• Chooses human faces over other objects
• Turns head when hearing sounds or voices
• Responds or startles at loud noises
• Exhibits strong reflexes
• Eyes can focus on items or faces held about one foot away
• Moves arms
• Squints in the sun and at bright lights
2nd Month


• Smiles at you (your baby's smile will absolutely win you over!)
• Coos and makes sounds (which sound like sounds we make, like "ooh")
• Follows objects with eyes (to encourage this, hold an object near your baby's face and move it to see if he can track it.)
3rd Month
• Lifts head up
• Can raise head and chest when placed on tummy
• Can open and clench his hands
• Can grasp and shake objects
• Reaches for nearby objects
• can kick and flex legs vigorously when placed on back
• Imitates the sounds you make
• Neck is strong enough to hold up head
• When held upright with feet touching a hard surface (like the floor), the baby pushes with his legs
• Shows interest in objects that have patterns
Remember that baby development is individual to each child. Your baby may not grow in the exact same way specified in this article. As I said before, the key is to look for progressive development. If growth stops or regresses, seek the advice of a professional.
About the author: Laura Ramirez is the award-winning author of Keepers of the Children and the publisher of Family Matters Parenting Magazine. She lives with her husband and two boys in the sage-dotted foothills of Northern Nevada.

Learning, Play and Your 1 to 2 Year Old

The majority of a child's social skills come as a result of play. During this stage, through play, your toddler will learn to form relationships and will begin to imitate adult actions and experiment with social activities.
What will my baby learn?
Most babies say their first words by 12 months to 14 months. Between 15 and 18 months, your baby will enjoy language games that ask him to identify things, such as: "Where's your ear?" and "Where is Mommy?" Vocabulary will grow quickly, but pronunciation likely won't keep pace. Be patient and resist the temptation to correct your baby's pronunciation; instead, emphasize the correct pronunciation in your response. Soon he'll try to form sentences and questions with a combination of words and gestures.
At this age, your baby will begin symbolic play for the first time - he'll imitate things he sees you do, and he'll use objects for their intended purpose. He'll attempt to brush his own hair with a hairbrush, or he'll use the phone to "talk" to you.
Your child may fluctuate between wanting independence and wanting to cling to you. This is absolutely normal - children this age are learning about their separateness from you but are still very dependent on you for comfort and reassurance. Give your child as much freedom as you safely can, and be there when he needs to be a "baby" for a while.
What should I do?
Remember that safety is your responsibility. Your baby may be learning how things work and what things do, but that doesn't mean he understands what is harmful or dangerous. Take a look at your house from you toddler's point of view, and periodically check your childproofing efforts.
"Lessons" should be in the form of games to keep your child's interest, and they should be stopped at the first sign of boredom. Removing the pressure from a lesson or playtime will teach your baby that learning is fun, and he'll look forward to the activity in the future.
Your toddler will be very interested in experimenting with social activities and imitating adult actions in make-believe play. Give him toys that encourage symbolic play, such as kitchen sets, dolls, and dress-up clothes. Allow him to "shadow" you as you do chores or everyday activities, and give him some "chores" to do, such as brushing his teeth or putting on his shoes.
Great toys for exploring and experimenting include trains, play garden tools, outdoor toys (swing sets, slides), blocks, large crayons, baskets, and pots and pans. Shape sorters, pegboards, nesting toys and simple puzzles allow your baby to enhance his analytical skills. As always, read to your child. He will now follow along with the story and point out objects and people in the picture.
Your toddler will be fascinated with other children at this age. One or two playmates at a time is plenty. Don't expect your toddler to "play" with other children in a cooperative way or to be enthusiastic about sharing toys; he's not mature enough yet. You'll need to be there at all times to diffuse conflict. Nevertheless, children this age can learn a lot from each other by imitation.
Enthusiasm and applause can be two very powerful tools for stimulating your child to learn. Pay attention to his successes, no matter how small, and he'll be encouraged to try for more.
Learning milestones
Although babies develop at different rates, most babies this age:
• Engage in symbolic play
• Speak at least 15 words by 18 months and use two-word sentences by age 2
• Imitate your expressions and actions and follow your instructions
• Attempt more independent activity
Check with child's doctor if you are concerned that your baby has not reached any of the above milestones.

Learning, Play and Your 8-12 Month Old

At this stage, you'll finally know that your baby was listening intently during all those "conversations" you had with her. She'll let you know that she understands what you say, and she'll respond with some "words" of her own.
Keep those toys and games coming, and encourage your baby's exploration of the world. She is becoming more mobile and independent, but she won't want to be separated from you for very long.
What will my baby learn?
Your baby will be demonstrating her understanding of what you say in several ways. She'll look at objects and people when you say their names, she'll crawl to toys that you ask her to find, and she'll do lots of pointing and gesturing in response to your words. She should already respond well to her own name, and she should look up (and at least pause) when you firmly say, "NO!"
Your baby is continuing to explore the world of objects. Now that she can get around on her own, she'll find objects all over the house to pick up, shake, bang, throw and put in her mouth. Make sure the objects she finds are safe for all of these activities.
While this object exploration continues, she'll now understand the functions of some objects. She will recognize familiar objects and understand their purpose. For example, she might see a washcloth, know that it's for washing and may hold out her hands for it.
Your baby's new mobility is very exciting for her, but she's still learning the principles of object and person permanence, so she probably won't let you out of her sight for long. She'll play her own "peekaboo"-type games: she'll round the corner where she can no longer see you, then peek around the corner to make sure you're still there. Alternatively, she'll round the corner, then make a sound or do something that she knows will bring you to her.
She will know repetitive games like "pattycake" all the way through and will recognize the slightest variation. Her attention span will be short, but when you have her attention, she'll be able to point to a picture of a familiar object in a book when you say the object's name.
During this period, your baby begins to understand that people are unique individuals and separate from herself. This realization usually leads to separation anxiety; you may find that your baby has a difficult time being separated from you during the day and at bedtime. This is a perfectly normal development at this age and nothing to be concerned about - keep your exits short and sweet, and try to enjoy your baby's attachment to you while it lasts.
What should I do?
Your baby is getting around now, and that means she's finding all sorts of things to get into. Make sure your home is a safe place for learning and play by checking your childproofing efforts around the house.
Be sure to supply your baby with toys and household objects that will develop her hand-eye coordination. As you probably know by now, just about anything is a toy to your baby. She is likely to play with egg cartons and empty cardboard boxes with the same enthusiasm she shows for large blocks, balls, stacking toys, and push-pull toys. Give her squeeze toys and cups and containers to splash around with during bath time.
Whenever you can get your busy baby to sit still for a moment, read to her from books with large, colorful illustrations. Encourage her to point out people and objects in the pictures.
Some games for babies in this age group include:
Peekaboo
Cover your face with your hands, then remove your hands and say: "Peekaboo, I see you!" Some babies have an insatiable appetite for this game; you may be playing it over and over for a few months.
This Little Piggy, The Itsy Bitsy Spider, and Pop Goes the Weasel
Babies love to learn these nursery rhymes and anticipate the accompanying movements.
One, Two, Buckle My Shoe
A counting game ideally suited for climbing up and down stairs.
Hide-and-Seek
This game exploits your baby's understanding of object and person permanence. Hide your baby's toys - or yourself - and encourage her to seek.
Don't place conditions on your baby's play by requiring her to accomplish certain tasks or meet specific goals. If play becomes instruction, your baby may become bored or (even worse) feel that your love or attention is dependent upon how well she performs the task.
Learning milestones
By the end of this period, most babies can:
• Bring two cubes together
• Put objects into a container and take them out
• Poke with an index finger
• Try to imitate words and gestures
There is a wide range of what is normal for babies, and there is usually no cause for concern. But if you find that your baby is not doing these things, discuss it with your pediatrician.

Ages 4 to 7 Months: Cognitive Development

During your baby's first four months, did you have doubts that she really understood much that was happening around her? This parental reaction is not surprising. After all, although you knew when she was comfortable and uncomfortable, she probably showed few signs of actually thinking. Now, as her memory and attention span increase, you'll start to see evidence that she's not only absorbing information but also applying it to her day-to-day activities.
Discovering Cause and Effect
During this period, one of the most important concepts she'll refine is the principle of cause and effect. She'll probably stumble upon this notion by accident somewhere between 4 and 5 months. Perhaps while kicking her mattress, she'll notice the crib shaking. Or maybe she'll realize that her rattle makes a noise when she hits or waves it. Once she understands that she can cause these interesting reactions, she'll continue to experiment with other ways to make things happen.
Your baby will quickly discover that some things, like bells and keys, make interesting sounds when moved or shaken. When she bangs certain things on the table or drops them on the floor, she'll start a chain of responses from her audience, including funny faces, groans, and other reactions that may lead to the reappearance or disappearance of the object. Before long, she'll begin intentionally dropping things to see you pick them up. As annoying as this may be at times, it's one important way for her to learn about cause and effect and her personal ability to influence her environment.
It's important that you give your child the objects she needs for these experiments and encourage her to test her "theories." But make sure that everything you give her to play with is unbreakable, lightweight and large enough that she can't possibly swallow it. If you run out of the usual toys or she loses interest in them, plastic or wooden spoons, unbreakable cups, and jar or bowl lids and boxes are endlessly entertaining and inexpensive.
Discovering Object Permanence
Another major discovery that your baby will make during this period is that objects continue to exist when they're out of her sight, a principle called object permanence. During her first few months, she assumed that the world consisted only of things that she could see. When you left her room, she assumed you vanished; when you returned, you were a whole new person to her. In much the same way, when you hid a toy under a cloth or a box, she thought it was gone for good and wouldn't bother looking for it. But sometime after 4 months she'll begin to realize that the world is more permanent than she thought. You're the same person who greets her every morning. Her teddy bear on the floor is the same one that was in bed with her the night before. The block that you hid under the can did not actually vanish after all. By playing hiding games and observing the comings and goings of people and things around her, your baby will continue to learn about object permanence for many months to come.

Learning, Play and Your 1-3 Month Old

Your 1-3 month old is more alert and aware of her surroundings than she was as a newborn. She already recognizes her parents' voices and faces, and she might be ready to respond to them with smiles. Your baby is ready to be an active participant in play.
What will my baby learn?
Your baby will carefully watch your facial expressions and listen to your voice. By listening to you, she is learning the importance of speech before she understands or repeats any words herself. She'll also learn during this period that she has the ability to vocalize, too; make sure to answer her coos and gurgles with your own sounds, and she will be more willing to express herself.
Now that your baby's hands are open (and she's discovered them), she'll begin to use them to learn about the world. She'll play with her fingers, bring her hands to her mouth, and try to swing at things within view. In this way, she is learning hand-eye coordination. When lying down, she'll stretch out her arms and legs - soon she will learn to grasp and kick!
You will learn to recognize when your baby is alert and ready to learn and play and when she'd rather be left alone. Sometimes your baby will need to protect herself from overstimulation by "shutting down" for a bit.
What should I do?
Remember that play is not just "play" to babies and children. Play is how they learn, so be enthusiastic when your baby shows interest in playing. Take every opportunity to interact with her - provided she's in the mood. Don't overstimulate her with too many activities at once, and let her tell you when she's bored.
Your baby will enjoy listening to music, the sounds her toys make, and your singing - and she won't care whether or not you're any good. Her eyesight is improving, so she'll be fascinated by brightly colored pictures in books and the mobile above her crib. And she won't be able to take her eyes off herself if she has an unbreakable crib mirror.
As your baby's hands open, offer her a rattle to hold, and watch her search for the source of the rattle's sounds. Give her safe objects of different textures, shapes, sizes, colors, and weights to hold. Dangle objects above your baby and let her swat at them. To get her hands moving, clap them together. Move her legs like a bicycle with your hands. These body games will help her learn to control her movements.
Once your baby can hold her head up, introduce these classic games, or make up your own:
Elevator: Lie on your back and lift your baby up over you. Say, "I'm going to kiss you!" while you lower her down and give her a kiss.
Bouncing rides: Place your baby on your lap and hold her under her arms. Move forward until you're at the edge of the seat, then raise and lower your heels to give her a gentle bounce. Reciting rhymes while you do this will add to the fun and encourage language development.
Learning milestones
Here are some milestones to look for during this period. By the end of three months, most babies:
• Smile at the sound of a parent's voice
• Smile at others
• Reach for, grasp, and hold objects
• Support their heads well
• Make babbling sounds
• Bring objects to their mouths
Babies develop at different rates, and there is a wide range of normal development. It is usually not a cause for concern when a baby misses a developmental milestone, but talk to your pediatrician if your baby seems behind.

The Learning Baby

A baby's mind is like a sponge, constantly soaking up information. Everything is a new and exciting experience for a newborn baby. She is always absorbing information through her five senses - sight, sound, smell, touch and taste. Human beings never stop learning, but the rate at which babies learn cannot be achieved by an adult. A baby's learning curve is almost perpendicular. Remember that your baby's emotions and intellect are developing during the first weeks of life, just as rapidly as his size, weight and coordination.

Stimulating your baby
Remember that you are the most important person in your baby's life. It is important that you establish a strong bond with her. Facial contact is extremely important, as your face is one of the few things a baby responds to in the first few weeks. Bring your face close to your baby's and be as animated as possible by smiling, moving your head and raising your eyebrows. Hold conversations with your baby. Read to your baby. She is never too young to look at books. Start with books that have brightly coloured pictures or even pop-up pictures.
Be an active guide, not an interfering one. Your baby should be learning what she wants to learn, not what you think she should be learning. Rid yourself of any preconceived notions you may have about what a child her age should or should not know.
Learning spurts
Babies do not grow, develop and learn at a constant rate. During a learning spurt, the baby will devour new ideas and skills and apply them immediately. However, at the same time, she may stop certain other activities or seem to forget certain skills. This usually happens because the baby is concentrating her energies on learning new things. Once she has mastered the new skill, the old ones will return.

Learning, Play and Your Newborn

Your newborn may not seem to be ready to learn and play, but all of his senses are working, and he's taking in the sensations, sounds, sights, and scents of his world. Since you comprise most of your newborn's world, teach him that it is a safe and loving one: fill his senses with lots of smiles, soothing sounds, and gentle caresses.
What will my baby learn?
A parent's face is a newborn's first and most wonderful "toy." Your baby will love to fixate on your face, and it will be all the entertainment he needs for now. Provide plenty of smiles, and talk to him so he becomes familiar with your voice.
Your baby is curious about noises he hears, but none more so than your voice. He will learn very quickly to associate your voice with the things he needs: food, warmth, touch. He will listen carefully when you talk to him. If you react enthusiastically to the little noises he makes, he'll learn that you want him to express himself.
You will learn to recognize when your baby is alert and ready to learn and play and when he'd rather be left alone. Sometimes your baby will need to protect himself from overstimulation by "shutting down" for a bit.
What should I do?
Your newborn loves attention. Talk to him, read to him, stroke and cuddle him, and cover him with kisses to promote bonding and recognition.
Even infants enjoy music and enjoy being read to. In fact, it seems that some babies actually remember songs and stories they heard repeatedly while still in the womb! But even if the song or story is not familiar to your baby, he will find it soothing.
Give your newborn simple toys that appeal to his sight, hearing, and touch. These include unbreakable crib mirrors, rattles, textured toys and musical toys. Choose toys and mobiles with contrasting colors and patterns; red and black patterns seem to appeal to newborns. A newborn's eyesight isn't very well developed, and strong contrasts will help him focus on his surroundings and keep his interest longer. Don't go overboard, though - offer your baby one plaything at a time. Too many can lead to confusion and overstimulation.
Play is not "play" to babies and children; play is how they learn about the world. Here are some ways to play with your newborn, but be sure to invent your own ways:
Dancing: Put on some music with a beat. Hold your baby's face close to your own, and gently sway and move to the tune. Feel free to sing softly.
Name game: Touch and name all the parts of your baby's body as he watches you. Make a game out of it by jumping from foot to foot or hand to hand.
Cuddling: Cradle your baby in your lap and gently stroke him in different rhythmic patterns.
Should I be concerned?
If you have any questions about your newborn's ability to see or hear, you should bring them to your doctor's attention immediately. Even newborns can be tested using sophisticated equipment, if necessary. The sooner a potential problem is caught, the better it can be treated.

How We Learn Parenting Behavior

We learned most of our Parenting behavior from our parents. Have you ever said something to your children and then realized you heard these same words when you were a child. "Be careful or you'll break your neck." "Be quiet and eat." We parent the way we were parented. We discipline as we were disciplined. Most ideas that we learned from our parents are helpful. Some are not. We pick and choose from these methods. Things we like, we use. Things we do not like, we do not use.

We also learn by watching other parents for good ideas. We learn by talking with friends. We learn from their experiences. They learn from our experiences. We share techniques that work.

We also learn by trial and error. Much of what we do with our children is based on our best guess at the time. Some things work; some fail. This happens to us all. Every first-born child is a test for most parents. You begin using trial and error the moment you get home from the hospital. I remember feeling confused and helpless. The baby is crying. What does it mean? Hungry? Lonely? Wet? Too warm? Too cold? Trial and error also applies to discipline. If sending your child to bed early works once, you will probably use it again.

The beliefs that you already have about parenting and discipline are fine. Learning from your parents and friends and learning by trial and error is normal. Add judgment and common sense and you have the substance for a solid foundation. This book will build on that foundation.

Love Does Not Always Light the Way

Too many parents have the false belief that if they love their children as much as possible, misbehavior will someday improve. Love, warmth and affection are essential. They are fundamentals. You also need knowledge.

Imagine you needed an operation. As you were about to be put under the anesthetic, your physician whispers in your ear. "I want you to know that I am not a surgeon. I'm not a doctor at all. Please don't worry. My parents are both doctors. I have a lot of friends who are doctors. I've asked a lot of questions about surgery. Just relax! I have a lot of common sense and I love my patients very much." Would you let this person use a scalpel on you?

Parents need training just as professionals need training. Children need trained parents as much as they need loving parents. Training pulls together all the good ideas you already have. Training provides structure and direction. Training provides a framework. Training gives you confidence. You learn that what you are doing is right. More confidence means more self-control, less anger, less guilt and less frustration. More confidence means more respect from your children. Without confidence, many parents are afraid to correct or punish their children. Some worry that their children will not like them. Some are afraid they might harm their children emotionally. So they let their children misbehave.

It Wasn't Like That When I Was Growing Up

Why doesn't discipline work the way it did 20 or 30 years ago? Why don't the old-fashioned methods work? Why is being a parent so demanding and confusing? Parenting is more difficult because childhood is more difficult. Children are under pressure. Pressure to make adult decisions with the experience and emotions of a child. Pressure from peers. Pressure from school. Pressure from the media. Pressure that seeps down from the pressures on the parents. Pressure on our children translates into problems for us.

There are several changes in our culture that have a tremendous impact on discipline and our roles as parents. Our economy has created financial tension in families. Parents come home stressed. Their fuse is short. The rising divorce rate affects all of our children. Today, there are schools where 4 out of 5 children have experienced divorce. Single parenting is stressful.

Twenty years ago, everyone in the same town or neighborhood had the same values and beliefs. No matter where you went to play, the rules were the same. Everyone's parents had the same expectations. This is no longer true. Every family has their own standards. Our children experience many versions of right and wrong. This is confusing to children.

How do these changes in our society affect the way you discipline your children? Why won't the old ways work today? The old ways were simple solutions for a society with simple problems. Today's problems are more complicated. They require refined solutions. Our children live in the future, not the past. We have to cope with the adversity of our times. If you want to be a successful parent, you have to know how to discipline today's children. Parents need training. Not because parents are incapable, but because parenting is no longer simple.

Three Successful Promises

There are two promises that every parent needs to make to become more successful. Promise to have courage to be open and accept new ideas. If what you are doing is working, stick with it. If not, then have the courage to try something new.

Promise to have patience - plenty of patience. If your child is twelve years old, he has had twelve years to develop his behavior patterns. Give your child time to change. This is where most parents fail. We have gone from one hour dry cleaning to one-hour photos to one hour eye glasses to 30 minute tune-ups. Microwave dinners, car phones and express lanes have conditioned us to expect instant gratification ion. Technology has taught us impatience. We believe that because we are trying a new idea, changes should take place overnight. A few days is not long enough to test a new idea. Some methods take weeks to show improvement. Be patient.

Promise to practice. Every parent must practice. Even me. My children do not care one bit that I am a school psychologist who teaches parenting classes. When I'm home, I'm Dad. I get tested just like you. I have to practice, too. If you are willing to read about new ideas but do not practice them, give this book to someone else and buy a magic wand.

How To Behave so your children will, too!

How Successful Parents Behave

Whenever I am asked if my children have ever done something I was unprepared to handle, I tell this story. Anthony was almost three years old when my spouse became pregnant. We knew it was vital to prepare him for the arrival of a new baby. We wanted to avoid the dreaded effects of sibling rivalry. We read the Berenstain Bears New Baby book a dozen times. We did everything imaginable to make him feel that our new baby was also going to be his new baby. As mom's tummy began to grow, Anthony kept a little doll tucked beneath the front of his T-shirt.

Leah's birth fascinated Anthony. He was so excited. Nearly everyone who brought a present for Leah brought one for him. It was like Christmas in May. He loved his new sister, even though he noticed that she did not have any teeth. Everything was going just as we had planned.

On Leah's sixth day home, it happened. Anthony hopped out of the bathtub. His rosy skin smelled like soap and baby powder. He asked if he could have an apple. I said sure. He reappeared a few moments later. He placed one hand on the back of my chair while holding the apple in the other.

"Dad, I think I'm in trouble."

"What for?" I asked.

"Well, when I was getting my apple, I accidentally 'peed' in the refrigerator."

"You're right," I said. "You are in trouble."

What We Want

My children create many challenging situations. Occasionally, I am amused. Often, I feel frustrated and discouraged. Sometimes, I feel embarrassed and guilty. Our children are a measure of our success and worthiness. We judge ourselves by their success and achievements. We compare ourselves to other parents. We compare our children to other children. Have you ever watched people buy apples? We rotate each apple looking for a blemish. We hold it up to the light, examining the reflection. We squeeze each one for firmness. We study each competitor looking for the perfect apple.

Parents want perfect apples. We want successful children. We want them to be happy and well adjusted. We want them to feel good about themselves. We want children who are loving and respectful of others. We want them to be well behaved and self-motivated. We want them to be independent - not still living with us when they are thirty. All parents have the same goads and aspirations.

What We Have

Most parents confront the same behavior problems. We become annoyed repeating everything three times. We spend too much time arguing. We become drained from the nagging and whining and manipulating and quarreling. We become exhausted from shouting and threatening. At times, it seems that all we do is punish. We feel guilty for getting angry, but it appears to be the only way to get results. We blame ourselves and feel ineffective for not knowing what to do. There are times when we dislike our children because their misbehavior makes us feel so inadequate and miserable.

Raising well-behaved children is not easy. Many parents fail. Not because they are inadequate. Not because they lack love for their children. Not because they want something less than the best for their children. Unsuccessful parents are inconsistent. They procrastinate. They give warnings but do not follow through. They say things they do not mean. They lack patience. They punish in anger. Unsuccessful parents attend to the negative rather than the positive. They criticize too much. Parents who have discipline problems do not plan. They do not realize that they can be part of the problem. Parents are part of the problem because of their patterns of reaction.

Parents usually react in one of two ways. Sometimes parents react passively. They give in to misbehavior because they do not feel like confronting the problem, at least not right now. You will lean why giving in makes misbehavior worse- Sometimes parents react with anger. You will also learn how reacting with anger makes misbehavior worse.

The way you react to your children's misbehavior affects future misbehavior. A certain amount of misbehavior is normal. My guess is that young children misbehave about 5% of the time. (Some days it feels like 50%!) Knowing how to react to this 5% is crucial. Reacting correctly and consistently can reduce misbehavior from 5% to less than 2%. Reacting incorrectly can increase misbehavior to 10% or more.

Knowing how to react is essential. Knowing how to prevent discipline problems is more important. You can escape many predicaments by setting up a few guidelines in advance. Successful parents believe in prevention and planning. They are more proactive than reactive. You will learn several strategies to help you be more proactive.

What We Need

What factors contribute to successful parenting? Successful parents and their children are partners in discipline. Successful parents know that discipline is a teaching process. Discipline is not just punishment. Successful parents understand that their behavior and emotions affect their children's behavior and emotions. Successful parents model responsibility. They focus their attention and energy on the positive aspects of their children's behavior. Successful parents emphasize cooperation, not control. Successful parents teach their children to think for themselves. They teach children self-control. Successful parents build self-esteem. They know that healthy self-esteem is the main ingredient children need to develop self-confidence and resiliency.

Successful parents learn from their children. They develop reaction patterns that reduce misbehavior. Successful parents are consistent. They say what they mean and mean what they say. They follow through. Successful parents stay calm when their button is being pushed. They use punishments that teach, not get even. Successful parents connect special activities with good behavior.

Successful parents anticipate problems. They have a game plan. They have proactive strategies for managing tantrums, disobedience, fighting, arguments and power struggles. Successful parents have plans that teach the value of completing chores, earning allowances, and doing homework.

Successful parents do not let misbehavior keep them from enjoying their children. Successful parents are strict but positive. They are serious about the importance of proper conduct, but they have a childlike sense of humor whenever it is needed. Successful parents know how to appreciate their children, even when they are misbehaving. Most importantly, successful parents are open to change.